Stop saying yes when you don't mean it..

Photo by Xavi Cabrera on Unsplash

"Don't allow people to suck up all your time with their questions or problems. Learn to say 'no' more often." 
- Lewis Howes   
                                                            

Sometimes I feel pathetic when I say yes for the things I should have said no.

 it really makes me stressed enough that just after saying yes I start finding ways to get out of the situation as soon as possible because somehow it affects my inner peace in a bad way and I think this is the case with almost every one of us.

people struggle a lot just to say a simple no for the things they don't want to do. I say yes because I think I am gonna hurt people who are close to me and the people  I love. 

I end up saying yes because I am afraid of rejection and don't want to be alone.

Are we really gonna be alone and rejected just for saying a no for the things we are not interested in?

the answer is no we are not because there is nothing wrong in expressing your real feelings and telling people what your heart wants to do, and if by any chance the other feels offended and disrespected from your no, believe me, they are not genuine enough because they don't care how you feel about something and why you don't want to do something, all they want is your company to make themselves comfortable for the things they want to do.

there is an incident I still remember very well, some of my close friends once planned a tour to somewhere and asked me for the same I still remember how badly I wanted to tell them I don't want to go but was not able to because I didn't want to hurt their feelings and present a rude and selfish impression of mine in front of them. 

I still remember how stressed and resentful I was the whole time, there was not a single moment which made me happy that day.

this kind of incidents happens with every one of us where we don't say no just because of the fear of losing people and struggles every second of it and regret until it exhausts us from inside and diminishes our self-worth.

how we built this habit and what is its origin?

it started when we were kids and everyone around us was a teacher in some way. whether in school or home we were taught saying yes is a good thing which makes you a better person and saying no is a bad habit. 

so we built our own set of habits for saying yes from the beginning which helped our parents as well as our teachers to control us in a much effective and efficient way. 

but what's now when we are grown-ups and understand everything in a proper way still why it's so hard for us to say directly I don't want it. maybe because it's deeply rooted enough that it still controls us.

Do saying no makes you rude, arrogant and a bad person?

the answer is simply no because expressing your genuine feelings for something doesn't make you bad and you should not be judged for saying no to something which doesn't make you happy. 

it makes you the real you and how genuinely you treat the world with truth. 

so don't feel guilty for saying no because you can't afford to regret later for the same and lower your self-worth.

Do saying yes worth it?

 you are not here to please everyone with something you don't like. 

then why is it so important to say yes when you very well understand that it's gonna make you sleepless and full of regret which will as result lower your self-esteem and confidence? 

why is it so important for us to make others believe what we are not? 

finding our true self is what we are born for and nobody should compromise on that, just to make someone feel good about you.

I personally feel very pathetic for being a yes person as I used to please others a lot, despite making myself uncomfortable, sleepless, resentful and stressed every time I said a yes.

 but now I have understood that in the end, nobody cares what you did for them.  

it's true that your 'no' will definitely make some people angry, they might assume that you are rude and arrogant, they might talk ill about you in front or behind your back, either way, it doesn't matter at all. 

because people who are really close to you and really care for you will always stick to your side because they very well know how good, kind and loving person you are.

so start making a habit to say no to people for the things your heart doesn't approve...

Practically applicable tips to start saying no...

• Be direct as much as possible 
• stop finding reasons to say no, because you don't need a reason to hide behind, for something your heart doesn't allow.
• stop feeling guilty for saying a no, you have not done anything wrong
• you don't have to apologize and give all sorts of reason for the no, remember you said no because you mean it
• you can't afford to say yes and entertain people at the cost of your happiness
• when someone genuinely needs your help, try to help as much as you can without making yourself vulnerable to sadness
• Be polite while saying a no and give proper explanation for the same so that the other can understand how you really feel
•  stop stretching the situation by saying " I will see" when you don't want to do it, it will give you more stress the entire time by forcing you to find lies you can use to avoid the situation. don't make yourself a victim already. say no on the face when you mean it, just believe in your guts
• just remember one thing that your true worth does not depend on how much you did for others because sooner or later they are gonna forget it anyway

By applying these methods I have learnt a lot in my life.

 I no longer say yes by forcing myself to please others. saying no is one of the best things I have ever learnt and applied in my life which helped me a lot in fighting my fear of rejection and the fear to be left alone.

it really makes me feel I am in control and nobody can force me to do anything I don't want. I don't feel guilty, stressed and sad because I don't trap my feelings anymore. now I feel how real freedom looks like.

And if you too want the same for yourself, just make the first step, don't allow others to manipulate your feelings and give you the trauma of a lifetime. 

if you really want to liberate your feelings and empower yourself, start challenging your efforts, by learning how to say 'no', it will definitely take you to a whole new dimension...